30 April 2008

Casulties in Adulthood

I overheard some people talking the other day about how hard it must be to live pay check to pay check, wondering when the next car repair was going to put them in dire straits. These are friends of mine, and I honestly wanted to shake them. Granted, I am not quite in that shape, but close enough that if Chris or I lost our jobs, or we had a major emergency, all would not be well. There are some tense discussions when something monetarily significant comes along, and there are definitely decisions based purely on the financials.


Money is so strangely taboo, even though I think it is something we all worry about, no matter how much or little you have. Managing it is tricky, making decisions about it is tricky. Maybe if we all got together and said how we did it we could learn something... Any way, I often feel I can be blissfully child like until money comes along. I can love my job, like my house, until benefits premiums go up and we need a new toilet. Then - wham - I am an adult. And I have to make decisions.


I think that is the hardest part, the decision making; what goes on the card, what gets parcelled out, what we do with out, what takes priority. I just get so overwhelmed with that process of reordering. Chris is better at it. What for me becomes an emotional reaction, mostly fear and worry, for him is a logical puzzle that must be solved, and if he can just get all the little bits to fit...and he always does. He has fun with it, and comes to me with a "Look what I did!" smile, and everything is okay. I guess that's why we are happily married. Damn, I think that's adult, too.

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